hounded

hounded @ 2008-12-29T04:24:00

2008-12-29T09:22:29Z

Things have changed on me; when I look in the mirror and think that just four years ago these lips kissed you goodbye and now they are chewed around the edges from stressing out about things that are just part of the lead up to the punchline. So much has changed. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and I'm still making the same mistakes... it's no wonder I am worn out. The anxiety hurts; the headaches hurt; the cold hurts; the doubt hurts; the fear for what life means without you hurts. But there are so many of you now who've left me it's getting hard to keep track of it all.

hounded @ 2008-06-28T00:36:00

2008-06-28T04:38:24Z

Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves.

Hahahahaha

hounded @ 2008-06-08T23:07:00

2008-06-09T03:04:51Z

It's a pleasant surprise to discover how much better off I am without.

DUNZO

2008-01-07T00:01:09Z

I am basically done with LJ. After my being removed from LJ/experience with multiple accusations and virus/hacking attempts, I'm done with it all. If you are looking for me you can do one of the following:

Email me @ brendanx at gmail dot com

Add me to your Facebook

Add my Tumblr account -- this one is new, but most of what I would have ever wanted to share on LJ will go here. You can RSS it/add it to your blogreader/bookmark it -- it's more handy and easier to operate :)

From those two you can find me on a variety of other web 2.0 services that mine my likes and dislikes as data to serve higher number crunching purposes.

Take care!

B

hounded @ 2007-12-25T23:55:00

2007-12-26T04:56:56Z

It's Christmas. I'm listening to the Pogues and looking at old notes, drawings and pictures of us and wondering if it's ever going to be the same again. It's cold outside and the wind feels like it's howling from so far away like it's coming from the same place memories stay.

It is what it is.

..isn't it?

paula

2007-11-23T07:33:10Z

Unsuspended

2007-11-23T02:15:01Z

After a month-long fight with LJ I have this journal back -- not that I'll post much, but a lot of the back-entries are important to me. Hopefully everything is doing well. Talk soon, I'm sure.

-Brendan

hounded @ 2007-09-21T15:09:00

2007-09-21T19:10:40Z

I'm going to Finland in Feb.

Probably.

life update

2007-09-12T22:21:17Z

Small life update: I got broken into/robbed. Laptop, peripherals, cell phone, book I was writing, bag and passport stolen. The detectives came and did their thing but who knows what will happen. I feel like this is an uphill battle. Whatever. Really the only thing going well for me is work and even sometimes that feels strained. Things move and change so much it's sometimes hard for me to believe that anyone else believes in me professionally. I do so much and don't know to what end... but whatever, we'll see, right? Ugh.

You get what you deserve.

hounded @ 2007-08-27T02:55:00

2007-08-27T06:56:13Z

Even if I knew what to do I'd probably still be here, wondering.

Believe

2007-08-15T05:43:22Z

In everything you have to believe that you have a special message to share with your audience; The places where I stored self-doubt have been burned and in the black that lines my stomach new footprints are being forged. So if you believe as I believe and if you feel as I do then you must seize as many opportunities as you have to share that message with the world; the world should seizure with your ideas and want your vision to see them out of it.

Point to the doorway.
Always know your exits.

I still have a livejournal?

2007-08-13T03:57:24Z

My life right now is a delicate balance of numbness, warm air, sweat and the feeling of 100 hands tearing me apart; it's something else entirely to think about whether or not you care about me.

hounded @ 2007-07-05T02:08:00

2007-07-05T06:11:00Z

KY was hot and beautiful. I came back to a mess I didn't mean to create -- I thought I was being opportune. I took all the best suggestions and not that I'm having regrets, but doubt is normal when you're put against the stone. I just keep pushing, though -- that's the one thing I do well. Tonight is raining and I slept too late and haven't heard from anyone I care about for days it seems like. Ah well.

I'd swim across lake Michigan
I'd sell my shoes
I'd give my body to be back again
In the rest of the room

To be alone with you.

hounded @ 2007-06-24T15:11:00

2007-06-24T19:13:03Z

The realization that I don't care about much and for the first time in a long time don't have to is as much a sting of excitement as it is a thorn in my side.

Also, fuck you -- The Darkness wrote some catchy songs lol

wzp

2007-02-27T03:37:11Z

Work is killer. I just spent the night out with a dude from Norway who is the jam. North Station is filled with snow bunnies and drunk dudes who just took my phone out of my hands thinking it was a PSP. The new Fall Out Boy is incredible and you can suck off if you think otherwise. Next weekend I'm training staff in DC and the weekend after that I'm moving. New macbook pro should be in the mail soon. I'm working on a new writing project and might get a new camera for it. I've spent most of my free time reading up on Pat Keck and Arno Minkkinen and suddenly had some ideas I wanted to try. Everyone is doing well. I feel very lucky to have made it out alive.

hounded @ 2007-02-18T16:29:00

2007-02-18T21:32:05Z

Moving soon.

By this summer my life is going to be so put-back-together, you won't know shit about it. You'll be trying to get real; in the meantime I'm really getting.

hounded @ 2007-02-18T01:43:00

2007-02-18T06:47:47Z

I just drove 90 mph down the highway listening to "Don't Stop Believing." I tried to sms everyone important about this but anytime I let go of the wheel a little I'd begin to veer out something fierce. Clearly an ace night for CRUUUUISINGGGG.

Something perma-stanks of garbage. I know it isn't me, but it seems to always be around me. Do I have a shitty smelling stalker? For real -- it's always smelling like cat food and baby diapers.

Now it's time for Fiji water and sleep.

I am in bed?

2007-02-12T05:40:15Z

Apparently, I can post from the sidekick now. This works for me. Tomorrow I am going to buy a cake. I feel like having some.

IS THIS CRYPTIC ENOUGH FOR YOU

troublemakers.

2007-02-04T22:18:28Z

01 Last week a few people at work said the absolute nicest things about me and really let me know that even in such a short time, I'm able to make the impact I want if I really want to. For the first time in my life working hard and doing things right is working out and I'm proud to show off a side of me that rarely anyone sees. I've gotten fucked around on and off for almost a year and it's time that I turn it around. It makes me feel great to work with a team of social drinkers who want to know more about being vegetarian and edge; to work so closely with people who love meat but want to know more about animal rights. I work with people who genuinely care about things and the possibility of changing things to come. It's fantastic place to grow and make a difference for everyone involved and I'm so proud to go to work and kill it day-in and day-out. It's nice to finally be somewhere where you're encouraged to view rules as starting points for negotiations. All my life that's been a sign of my inability to do the job! Not anymore!

02 I've written one song for the Feb. record. 5 minutes down, 30 left to write!

03 Other great things have been happening, but it's stuff that I want to keep private (and/or do not want to jinx).

04 Looking back over the last year I kind of can't believe where I've been, what I did, what I've seen, said and felt. From the longview it's sort of amazing and sort of ridiculous. I find myself giving this a lot of thought... I'm already starting to forget names and faces.

the crap

2007-01-31T20:44:11Z

I'm still up and functioning like, 18-19 hours a day.
I'm totally all over the place.
I have to find a place to live so I can set up a budget plan.
Kelsey is coming this weekend.
I'm doing a new record in Feb.
I need some money.
I need some food.
I need some sleep.

hounded @ 2007-01-16T15:53:00

2007-01-16T20:54:28Z

Blacklist back in full effect.

hounded @ 2007-01-14T13:54:00

2007-01-14T18:47:52Z

saw a play about the unabomber last night, but not really. i forgot how much i enjoy theater. fucked up my leg royally. enormous bruise? talked until 5am. hugged the wall at happy endings and saw sameer for the first time in like, two years. we discussed how beautiful the other is and talked about $3,000 suits and fake hands. today i woke up late, watched spiderman for the 2nd time and ate the shit out of some chex mix. now i'm going out to breakfast at 2pm.

dude i hate that peaches band.

seriously.

wtf

2007-01-11T18:14:15Z

I love forgetting something and then suddenly remembering it. Like that between a few people I am owed like, $600+! Who the hell do you people think I am? LendingTree.com? Scrooge McDuck? Rich Uncle Pennybags?!

This situation begs the acronym: WTF? Seriously insulting.

hounded @ 2007-01-08T13:26:00

2007-01-08T18:36:15Z

Things are going well. I have been so busy with work that I am starting to feel like maybe I'm not pushing myself to appreciate things the way I did when I was unemployed. It's pretty easy to do what you want when you don't have a job. Now I have all these demands and expectations and as great as it all is, I'm missing some things. I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure... with that said, I'm going to keep trying my best. I don't want to be pressuring myself on top of all of this from work. A few friends have brought to my attention a group that pushes artists to record 10 songs/35 min. in the month of Feb. I might do this as a way to sort of jump-start my writing music. I've blanked out on the photo book I was doing... I need to get back on track with that. I've also been neglecting my sketch book :/ I want to get some watercolors maybe.

I bought a Dolce & Gabbana shirt yesterday that was originally marked at $200. I think this is pretty funny.

Goodbye!